Dear Customers Who Come To The Lion House

Lion House customers, if you really want to piss off an employee or want to look like a complete moron to an employee here are some things you can do. All of these have been done before....

(Pause because Jude Law is on the TV)

First of all we know perfectly well when there are no rolls in the roll warmer, there are at least 3 other employees who will get on that as soon as they're not busy with other of your customer kin.

Don't tell the cashier what is on your tray, we have served thousands of people before you came, and we are not blind, we can see perfectly what is on your tray and can add it all up on your tab. We are not morons.

There are signs in every room telling you to take your tray to the tray return. You think I'm blind? Well you are either blind or lazy! Unless you can't read English then well...

Jello is Satan's food. If you drop it on the ground we will secretly hate you for the rest of your life.

Children under the age of 7 aren't capable of ordering food, do it for them. You know what they'll eat.

The little green garbage cans by the registers are not for you to put YOUR garbage in. Do you really think it's for your 10 large cups?

(Pause for the eating of the Symphony bar)

You can't save tables, no matter how rich you are.

(Pause Jude Law is such a sexy man)

Please don't come in at 7:59 believing that we are happy that you came in. We have a smile on our face but we really want to punch you.

If we are open at about 10:30 and we ran out of something... well yeah it's 10:30, shoulda come earlier.

I think i may be done. But one last word: