You know those moments where you feel like you have no time to do anything, yet you think to yourself, hey I have three days to do what i need to do. It's just the worst when you have to rely on other people to fulfill their assignment in order for you to do yours.
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I learned from an early age that relying on people is not the way to go in life. Which is kind of sad, but really relying on people who can't even get a simple assignment done yeah. Writing a script for a news show is going to be harder than expected.
I'm really kind of sick of people thinking that i have it easy. At work i wanted to punch my co-workers in the face. Really the only one in that group that can say they don't have time to do anything is Ryan because he has kids and no car. My boss on the other hand goes home and eats pizza and tevos her stupid reality shows. My other co-worker plays online games. They really have no right to tell me that their lives are busier than mine. THEIR WORK DOESN'T FOLLOW THEM HOME!!!! I HAVE WORK EVERY NIGHT SON! I'm almost to the point of an emotional break down.
Yeah i know i should be willing to talk face to face with someone about this and vent, but i still have this thing where no one really cares, even my adoring boyfriend, i had a hard time even sharing my feelings with the former boyfriend. I just feel like no one wants to watch someone cry. Which is true, but no one really wants to console you because they can't fix it and they don't know what to do.
OK i gotta stop being so stressed, but really i wanna hide and avoid people, which is bad. Like i'd love to just get away with Andrew or another friend, but someone who will remind me that life is ok no matter what. Is it bad that i can't do that? I dunno. This blog might be more over dramatic then it should, i mean it's one in the morning. meh oh well.
I'm sick of always being there for people and hearing their problems and trying to help. but there really isn't anyone there for me.
I hope you realize its not a matter of someone 'wanting to watch someone cry'. Most of the time, friends don't know what to do and they can't really help you, you're right. But they can BE there for you and listen to you and hug you and do exactly what you said and try to help you remember that life goes on and things will be alright and bad times WILL pass.
ReplyDeleteYou have a bunch of friends that you hang out with, yet you say nobody really cares about you. I don't get it. I'm positive I care about you way more than any of them do, but I realize that also doesn't make me a good friend, nor does it make me more fun or easier to hang out with. I understand that now. And I'm sorry I'm crummy.
But you're loved and people care and *I* care and your boyfriend cares, and I've known you waaaay long enough to know its like pulling wisdom teeth out with your bare hands in order to get you to relay your deepest darkest feelings and emotions. But avoiding people isn't good - trust me, I'm a pro at it and I have zero friends. Nobody likes being around me at all. Not even my cousins, anymore.
I love you girl. And I know you know things will be alright. Keep your chin up, Pip.