Awkward Moments

So I wasn't planning on going to FHE last night, but my friend made a deal with me that we'd sit in the back and leave right after. You have to know our ward had a Peter Breinholt concert, and I like his music. I wanted to see Peter Brienholt so bad, but I didn't want to see Mark!. Well I got home and I had some texts I had gotten while I was driving home. One was from my friend Erica, the other *sigh* Mark. He wrote "Please come to FHE tonight! You can sit by me :)"

As much as I wanted to reply and say "Yes I would love to" I didn't. I"ll admit I miss him and it's only been like 2 days! How pathetic?! Well anyways my friend convinced me to go and we sat in the back like she promised and we watched the concert. But anytime everyone looked back to see who was asking Peter a question I was all like

So afterwards I was ready to bail but no my friends got caught up in conversations. I was like "WE NEED TO EFFN GO!" Mark was there but on the opposite side, and already talking to a new girl. But low and behold Aaron comes running over and gives me a huge hug. "You doing ok?" "I'm doing alright, a long night but..." When really I was ready to cry because Peter's first song basically described my last date with Mark. But Aaron said that he was on my side about the whole thing, so I have a feeling he knows something I don't. When I texted him later asking him what Mark said about breaking up with me he said he'd tell me later in person. I don't get it. Anyway the girl Mark was talking to came over and started chatting with Aaron, Mark and I made eye contact and he game trotting over like nothing was wrong, but on the inside I was like...

But I put on the brave face and was a nice person, when I really wanted to just cry, or get mad, or both. Right now personally I just lost a friend, even though we said we'd try to be friends, but I tried that with Aaron and everyday was a living hell, knowing he liked another girl and I was just there. It's gonna be a while till I can go back and act like nothing happened. Mark is a sweetheart, he just has some issues that are beyond his control, which those reasons are probably why he broke up with me. Even though he had three lame ass excuses, not sure which one to believe. Well I'm gonna have a good cry tonight because this just sucks.

What The?

So last night I'm getting ready to go to a movie with Gordon and his buddies when I get a text from Mark. I was surprised, i mean we were texting earlier that day but this one stopped me in my tracks. "Hey so do you need space?"

Um... yeah him and i have been going out the past 4 weeks. So i reply, "what do you mean?" Of course i know what he means, but I wasn't sure what he was implying. "I feel like I'm taking you away from your friends." "Not at all why do you think that?" "Because we've been hanging out every weekend." "Yeah so? I don't hate it, do you?" The way that was texted probably sounded pissed, but i wasn't. I just hate guys mind games. So retarded. Who's with me?!

To continue "No, I love it! I Just worry about your friends." Anyway we concluded we like hanging out with each other and we want to go out this weekend again. I told him I'd plan it this time. I have no idea what to do. Should be interesting. He told me he likes talkin to me and hanging out with me. Kids is still the most quiet kid ever, but we'll see how things go. I still have a hard time trusting him, but people change right? He needs some growing up to do. But then again I REALLY want to take his VL. Does that make me a bad person?

Therapudic

I just need this song right now. I have so much bottled up emotion! Skillet and Breaking Benjiman, Eminem, if you know of any others that are like them let me know! I need some major anxiety songs.

Not Going To School... Yet

Yes I am cool and not going to school. Actually I'm not gonna lie, I'm quite jealous of all my friends for going to school. Good thing I have institute, once a week, for an hour and a half. That is my social life, and then the little doo dads with the singles ward, then sometimes dates with Mark, and Gordon dragging me to random things. I need to hang out with girls, no i really do. The people I hang out with in the singles ward are guys, and you already know who they are.

I could go on about that, but i think I'm just going to keep my boy thoughts to myself for this blog. Save ya'll the pain, and I'm pretty sure I can imagine what you're thinking.

SO SINCE I'm not going to school, i will be focusing my life on Jesus. Yes I mean i already do, but I'm going to be going the whole 9 yards like every Mormon girl should. Read my scriptures, journal writing, institute attending, temple attending, praying, and i'm sure i can think of more. But it's been working, focusing on more important things has made life seem more easier. I do love my church, in fact today a friend in California was asking questions about the Book of Mormon, missionary moment, it was awesome.

PS haha ugly crier from New Girl. I just love this show. I have mentioned it?

Donald Rant... again...

if this man ever came back to life, this is what i'd be doing. 

and that's not creepy.... 

So fantastic

Now that I have the TV to myself, i can watch whatever i want. including the most hilarious show since Seinfeld...

Little Women

So obviously my emotions are on the surface today. My mom even suggested that I move... crazy right?
Anyway of course every Sunday Heather, the little Bon Qui Qui, watches Little Women, and I do love that movie. Lately I've been praying just to feel loved, because sometimes you feel like you're being taken advantage of. You put your whole heart into a friendship and you feel like that they don't appreciate you. I love all my friends so very dearly, and I hope they know that.

So back to Little Women, I was thinking about my family, and my sisters especially and how, no matter what i do they still love me and would do anything for me just like in Little Women. The three of us compare ourselves to the sisters in Little Women, I'm Joe, Heather is Amy, and Rachel is Meg.

But My family loves me no matter what and I love that, even though they'll be gone all weekend... which sucks. But I need some "I hate my life time and I don't want anyone to see" lol. Good crying chick flick, and ice cream. Then of course I might see the boys I don't want to see and hurt myself all over again. 

I rock... NOT!