Weird Moments

You know those moments where you feel like you have no time to do anything, yet you think to yourself, hey I have three days to do what i need to do. It's just the worst when you have to rely on other people to fulfill their assignment in order for you to do yours.

. 

I learned from an early age that relying on people is not the way to go in life. Which is kind of sad, but really relying on people who can't even get a simple assignment done yeah. Writing a script for a news show is going to be harder than expected. 

I'm really kind of sick of people thinking that i have it easy. At work i wanted to punch my co-workers in the face. Really the only one in that group that can say they don't have time to do anything is Ryan because he has kids and no car. My boss on the other hand goes home and eats pizza and tevos her stupid reality shows. My other co-worker plays online games. They really have no right to tell me that their lives are busier than mine. THEIR WORK DOESN'T FOLLOW THEM HOME!!!! I HAVE WORK EVERY NIGHT SON! I'm almost to the point of an emotional break down. 

Yeah i know i should be willing to talk face to face with someone about this and vent, but i still have this thing where no one really cares, even my adoring boyfriend, i had a hard time even sharing my feelings with the former boyfriend. I just feel like no one wants to watch someone cry. Which is true, but no one really wants to console you because they can't fix it and they don't know what to do. 

OK i gotta stop being so stressed, but really i wanna hide and avoid people, which is bad. Like i'd love to just get away with Andrew or another friend, but someone who will remind me that life is ok no matter what. Is it bad that i can't do that? I dunno. This blog might be more over dramatic then it should, i mean it's one in the morning. meh oh well. 

I'm sick of always being there for people and hearing their problems and trying to help. but there really isn't anyone there for me. 

TV Journalism

Oh my gosh TVJ is starting to catch up with me. Honestly i do love that class because i actually get to be a reporter and do what i want to do in the future. It's like a preview, except i'll have people with me that know how to use a camera. LOL I do a better job at camera work than the Newsbreak people. Oh how i love life... well actually not really. I still want pancakes. Pancakes and Breaking Bad. And someone who is normal.

 

 Yes this is completely normal. 

Oh my head kills. I don't wanna go into work. I need a breather day. Seriously i'm moving all day. School then straight to work, then homework, then trying to have time to hang out with people. I have no freedom. Well i guess i have a choice, but making right choices doesn't make sense now does it? Do we really have choices or were we just brought up in a way where people trained us to make certain choices, not really the choices we want.

 

I'm also in the market for a new car. yes this is my fault because i haven't done my duty in selling the Honda, the Chevy, or my piece of crap SHO. But tis life. I need someone who will take care of it for me lol i have way too much going on with friends, school, dating, it's just not panning out the way I want. I thought we were supposed to gain blessings after making a sacrifice, which i did. But everything is not going well.

LOL Saul. I can't wait for the spin off of Breaking Bad. 

I feel like i have to throw up. This might not end well. I need to lay down and figure out what's wrong with my body, and my head. Hopefully hanging out with friends tomorrow will help me out. Bonfire up in the canyon with Whitnie and her BF, and Jill. Plus it'll be fun seeing the battle of attention between Andrew and Alex. Yeah it's going to be a riot. Then after i get to hang out with Andrew and watch Star Wars, but he did fail yesterday after my car broke down and i texted him. The ex got back to me faster and made me feel better, then took the time to call me and ask me if i was ok. Man life sucks. 

Yesterday Sucked

Yesterday just sucked.

 

 I was in such a bad mood, and it started off that way because a girl in my TVJ class took my news story, i was so pissed! She didn't know what to tell about so i showed her a list of ideas i had, and i even had a big star next to the story i wanted to do! They asked her before me what she wanted to do and boom she said it. I was so pissed!!!! 

 

So i gave one of my ideas and she got a 2 minute bit, they gave me 30 seconds. UGH that hoe. Anyway rest of school was alright, even ran into my buddy Ryan Orton who i have missed. It really was the only thing that went well yesterday. It was a wonderful embrace. I miss that kid. 

 

Well he talked to me for too long lol so i was late for work. not to mention i didn't grab a lunch cause i woke up late so i had to stop my Wendys and people had to get their value fries. I got my salad. I am not anorexic.   

 

Work was annoying only because my boss feels like she has to be my friend when i really don't want her too. It's just annoying. There wasn't anyone to talk to and i just sat there and festerd in my anger.  I wanted to punch someone. Well got out of there at 6, drove home and threw off my work clothes and laid in bed till Institute. Woke up and saw what was for dinner. Hamburger soup, which i love and i couldn't wait to get home and have some after institute. 

Now don't get me wrong i love insttute. I just hate the classes that are over packed and all the kids in the back are snickering and talking. Not to mention i was just angry in the first place and i wanted to turn to them and say "HEY I'M HERE TO FEEL THE SPIRIT NOT LISTEN TO YOUR ESCAPADES OF SKIING AND HOW INTERESTING YOU ARE IN THE GIRL NEXT TO ME!"

Ugh after driving my crap car home, almost hit like 4 things because the dang power steering sucks balls. 

Got home and there wasn't any parking because Josh and Maren just have to drive separate and take up my parking spaces, and my car was already having problems with turning. Got inside knowing i could finally eat something. Went to the pot and found like half a cup of soup in there. I knew who the cow was. I was mad. I just stormed downstairs and started doing homework holding back tears. The ex and the only person i feel really cares about how i feels called and let me vent. Poor kid, he doesn't have to do that anymore, he's just a REAL friend who doesn't have to love me, but still does. 

Anyway there's my bad day yesterday. 

Awkward Moments

So I wasn't planning on going to FHE last night, but my friend made a deal with me that we'd sit in the back and leave right after. You have to know our ward had a Peter Breinholt concert, and I like his music. I wanted to see Peter Brienholt so bad, but I didn't want to see Mark!. Well I got home and I had some texts I had gotten while I was driving home. One was from my friend Erica, the other *sigh* Mark. He wrote "Please come to FHE tonight! You can sit by me :)"

As much as I wanted to reply and say "Yes I would love to" I didn't. I"ll admit I miss him and it's only been like 2 days! How pathetic?! Well anyways my friend convinced me to go and we sat in the back like she promised and we watched the concert. But anytime everyone looked back to see who was asking Peter a question I was all like

So afterwards I was ready to bail but no my friends got caught up in conversations. I was like "WE NEED TO EFFN GO!" Mark was there but on the opposite side, and already talking to a new girl. But low and behold Aaron comes running over and gives me a huge hug. "You doing ok?" "I'm doing alright, a long night but..." When really I was ready to cry because Peter's first song basically described my last date with Mark. But Aaron said that he was on my side about the whole thing, so I have a feeling he knows something I don't. When I texted him later asking him what Mark said about breaking up with me he said he'd tell me later in person. I don't get it. Anyway the girl Mark was talking to came over and started chatting with Aaron, Mark and I made eye contact and he game trotting over like nothing was wrong, but on the inside I was like...

But I put on the brave face and was a nice person, when I really wanted to just cry, or get mad, or both. Right now personally I just lost a friend, even though we said we'd try to be friends, but I tried that with Aaron and everyday was a living hell, knowing he liked another girl and I was just there. It's gonna be a while till I can go back and act like nothing happened. Mark is a sweetheart, he just has some issues that are beyond his control, which those reasons are probably why he broke up with me. Even though he had three lame ass excuses, not sure which one to believe. Well I'm gonna have a good cry tonight because this just sucks.